Tuesday, March 21, 2006
Sex on Mars
The year is 2222 and after accumulating enough frequent flier miles, Mike and Maureen land on Mars. They meet a Martian couple and are talking about all sorts of things. Mike asks if Mars has a stock market, if they have laptop computers, how they make money, etc. Finally, Maureen brings up the subject of sex. "Just how do you guys do it?" asks Maureen. "Pretty much the way you do," responds the Martian. Discussion ensues and finally the couples decide to swap partners for the night and experience one another.
Maureen and the male Martian go off to a bedroom where the Martian strips. He's got only a teeny, weenie member - about half an inch long and just a quarter inch thick. "I don't think this is going to work," says Maureen. 'Why?" he asks, "What's the matter?" "Well," she replies, "It's just not long enough to reach me!" "No problem," he says, and proceeds to slap his forehead with his palm. With each slap of his forehead, his member grows until it's quite impressively long. "Well," she says, "That's quite impressive, but it looks like a long pencil, it's still pretty narrow...."no problem," he says, and starts pulling his ears. With each pull, his member grows wider and wider until the entire measurement is extremely exciting to the woman. "Wow!" she exclaims, as they fell into bed and made mad, passionate love.
The next day the couples rejoin their normal partners and go their separate ways. As they walk along, Mike asks "Well, was it any good?"
"I hate to say it," says Maureen, "but it was damn good. How about you?"
"It was horrible," he replies. "All I got was a headache. She kept slapping my forehead and pulling my ears!
Contributed by mistyeiz ::
2:55 PM ::
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Sunday, March 19, 2006
An idle mind is the devil's workshop...
and a great way to soothe a frisky mind! Didn't know how to spend my Sunday afternoon so I thought, "Let's get jiggy with it" and see what technorati can give me if I searched for 'Sex' tags. And voila! Stumbled upon some REALLY interesting reads....
The Eros Blog
Girl with a one-track mind
Subarbank
Dirty thoughts from a naughty girl
Be mindful that they ARE 18Sx. I'm pretty sure you aint surprised! Heh.
Contributed by mistyeiz ::
6:38 PM ::
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Something for the ladies....
Ok, so I snitched this one from lynne's blog today, and thought I'd post it here for the the BSB ladies (and guys too). I enjoyed it and maybe you guys will too....
NEW DRUGS FOR THE LADIES
D A M N I T O L
Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 full hours.
ST. M O M M A'S W O R T
Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to two days.
E M P T Y N E S T R O G E N
Suppository that eliminates melancholy and loneliness by reminding you of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till they moved out.
P E P T O B I M B O
Liquid silicone drink for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and prevents conception.
D U M B E R O L
When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low IQ, resulting in enjoyment of country music and pickup trucks.
F L I P I T O R
Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.
M E N I C I L L I N
Potent anti-boy-otic for older women. Increases resistance to such lethal lines as, "You make me want to be a better person. Can we get naked now?"
B U Y A G R A
Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases potency, duration, and credit limit of spending spree.
J A C K A S S P I R I N
Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday, anniversary, phone number, or to lift the toilet seat.
A N T I-T A L K S I D E N T
A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers in elevators.
N A G A M E N T
When administered to a boyfriend or husband, provides the same irritation level as nagging him.
Have a nice Sunday, and have a great week ahead....
Contributed by Screwed-Up AKA SnglGuy ::
1:25 PM ::
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a selection of the world's THINNEST Books
FRENCH WAR HEROES
by Jacques Chirac
~ ~ ~ ~
MY BEAUTY SECRETS
by Janet Reno
~ ~ ~ ~
HOW TO BUILD YOUR OWN AIRPLANE
by John Denver
~ ~ ~ ~
MY SUPER BOWL HIGHLIGHTS
by Dan Marino
~ ~ ~ ~
THINGS I LOVE ABOUT BILL
by Hillary Clinton
~ ~ ~ ~
MY LITTLE BOOK OF PERSONAL HYGIENE
by Osama Bin Laden
~ ~ ~ ~
THINGS I CANNOT AFFORD
by Bill Gates
~ ~ ~ ~
THINGS I WOULD NOT DO FOR MONEY
by Dennis Rodman
~ ~ ~ ~
MY WILD YEARS
by Al Gore
~ ~ ~ ~
AMELIA EARHART'S GUIDE TO THE PACIFIC
~ ~ ~ ~
AMERICA'S MOST POPULAR LAWYERS
~ ~ ~ ~
DETROIT : a Travel Guide
~ ~ ~ ~
A COLLECTION of MOTIVATIONAL SPEECHES
by Dr. J. Kevorkian
~ ~ ~ ~
ALL THE MEN I HAVE LOVED BEFORE
By Ellen de Generes
~ ~ ~ ~
GUIDE TO DATING ETIQUETTE
by Mike Tyson
~ ~ ~ ~
SPOTTED OWL RECIPES
by the EPA
~ ~ ~ ~
THE AMISH PHONE DIRECTORY
~ ~ ~ ~
MY PLAN TO FIND THE REAL KILLERS
by O.J. Simpson
~ ~ ~ ~
And the world's Number One Thinnest Book?
MY BOOK OF MORALS
by Bill Clinton
with introduction
by The Rev. Jesse Jackson
(I make no claims to authorship - this was from an email!!)
Contributed by *lynne* ::
1:25 PM ::
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Thursday, March 16, 2006
Flings
How should flings be managed?
What shouldn't be said?
What should be said?
I know flings die a natural death, but how do you kill it?
Contributed by categorically imperative ::
4:32 PM ::
11 comments
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Tuesday, March 14, 2006
Flirting
How do you Sizzle & Dazzle the Opposite Sex?
A good flirt can be spotted from a mile away. You know the type, always smiling, laughing, intense eye contact and over-friendly arm touches. Does this describe you?
Are you an expert flirt? Have you mastered the art of that first level of seduction? Flirting is not just about being over-friendly, it is about being confident and liking yourself and sharing a bit of that with the rest of the world. Besides being just a bit of fun; it is a universal and essential aspect of human interaction ~ an act of friendliness and perfectly harmless to let members of the opposite sex know you're available unless it is bordering on the line of sleaziness or plain rudeness. BUT...if done properly, it is your best chance at snagging your future partner! You know the old saying "Flattery will get you every where!" Well, in the world of dating flattery is a great form of flirting. We all like to be complimented. Both sexes like to flirt but do you know enough flirting tips to do it properly? How to tell if a woman or guy is flirting with you? What are your best flirting tips?
Finish this sentence according to your feelings: "Flirting is..."
Contributed by c o n s u e l a ::
11:13 AM ::
10 comments
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Sunday, March 12, 2006
Question for the fairer sex...
It's common knowledge that men often talk about women, sex, cars, and sports (though not necessarily in that order) when they talk among themselves. As for the women (especially singles), it's still a mystery to us guys what they talk about in private....
Any woman in BSB care to spill the beans?
Contributed by Screwed-Up AKA SnglGuy ::
7:37 PM ::
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Alcohol Warnings
DUE TO INCREASING PRODUCTS LIABILITY LITIGATIONS....
AMERICAN LIQUOR MANUFACTURERS HAVE ACCEPTED
THE FDA'S SUGGESTION THAT THE FOLLOWING WARNING LABELS
IMMEDIATELY BE PLACED ON ALL VARIETIES OF ALCOHOL.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you
wondering what the hell happened to your bra and panties.
___________________________________________
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in
dancing like a retard.
___________________________________________
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think
you are whispering when you are not.
___________________________________________
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to
tell your friends over and over again that you love them.
___________________________________________
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to
think you can sing.
___________________________________________
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to
believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to
telephone them at four in the morning.
___________________________________________
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think
you can logically converse with members of the opposite
sex without spitting.
___________________________________________
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is the leading cause
of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead, knees and
lower back.
___________________________________________
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the
illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster, and better
looking than most people.
___________________________________________
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to
think people are laughing " WITH " you.
___________________________________________
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.
___________________________________________
WARNING: the crumsumten of alcahol may Mack yu tink you
kan tipe reel good.
Contributed by Ronald Allan ::
6:05 PM ::
7 comments
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Sunday, March 05, 2006
corpse smokes restored crunches?
Yes, you read it right....
corpse smokes restored crunches
Hmmmm... that would be a very intersting post,,, if ever I could figure out what would fit with such a title, LOL!
Thanx to TNChick, found out about this random word generator, which exists because "Sometime[sic], you just need a word, any word, to spark a little inspiration and get you writing. So here, have a random word:"
All us bored (single or otherwise) bloggers needing some inspiration, can just head over there for a random spark, LOL!
In this case, I got today's title from 4 loads of the page.
I see great potential... now to harness it... *grin!*
Contributed by *lynne* ::
10:40 PM ::
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Q for the gals...
Here's a little question (again) for the ladies. What is it that impresses girls most in a guy? His clothes? Car? Title/position? Physique? etc... and why?
Contributed by Screwed-Up AKA SnglGuy ::
5:18 PM ::
9 comments
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Saturday, March 04, 2006
Another Q from Cat
Hmm...if a man asks a smart, accomplished woman (I hear thunder rumbling) to spend a week with him, what does that mean? When there's no relationship to speak of, I mean. (Read: agreed upon cannot-commit thing.)
And what's a girl to pack?
Contributed by categorically imperative ::
3:00 AM ::
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Wednesday, March 01, 2006
Who brings in the bacon?
I don’t know about you but I’ll admit that women are a very unique creation. Being one myself, I can see to a certain extend what men go through almost everyday of their lives thinking how can women think of so many things at the same time and at times, their idea actually contradict one another. So pitiful! Here’s a few examples from my own personal experience and thoughts :
1. Financial independence
This was spurred on by SG’s comments saying that it’s a men’s job to put food on the table. I am working full time which means to say that I am an independent woman; I don’t really need financial aid (although if you want to bank in money for me, I won’t say no lar. Heh.) to put food on my table. In a few words, I put my own meals on my table (Well, actually Mummy does but that’s besides the point). But men have the tendency to think that it’s THEIR job to do so. While I agree with that to a certain, I intent to make it clear that even without you (men that is), I won’t starve. Of course, it’s an age old understanding (since the cavemen days where they bring drag back all their catch for the day ie. food or even their women by the hair) that men are primarily the main source where generating income is concerned but we, women have got to make it clear that we CAN still put food on the table even if you are not around. But it’s always nice to know that men have such a mentality of course. Hah.
2. Chivalry is not a bad thing
King’s Wife mentioned in her blog some time back about how a man opened the door for her and let her in first. Such a gentleman, although I would have thought he had some funny ideas in his head too! I mean come on, with the crime rates shooting sky high ~ can you blame us women???? Anyway, I think we can hardly come by such men these days. I can’t complain for most of the guys in my office always open the door for me. Hmm, I don’t know but maybe it also boils down to one’s education level? I don’t know, what do you think? However, I don’t blame men for not wanting to open doors for women or do anything that they think is chivalrous. This is because women today are a lot more aggressive and chivalry just makes them look weak. I personally love it when men open doors for me and pulls out my chair for me when I am about to be seated at the table. And as independent as I am, I am not about to let go of these small things which make me feel a lot more feminine and well, treated like a lady.
3. Climbing up the corporate ladder
Humph, this one will definitely stir the soup! Ever noticed that many women are now taking over spots in the top management where it was once, only for men? Must be a very jarring wake up call for men as I bet some of them do feel threatened by this change of management. Now, now…not ALL men are that touchy and sensitive, and although they put up a very strong front (muka toya) I bet they still feel a wee bit insecure about this. On the bright side, women are really taking on the world by storm, thanks to continuous efforts to give them encouragement to strive for the best. Not only that, I think women are also changing their mindset and how they handle themselves in the environment that they have to live in.
4. Homely Housewife VS Aggressive Working Woman
This is another thought that bugs me off and on. See, part of me wants to spend time with my family (once I’m settled down and all) but another part of me wants to be out there, sharing the responsibility of looking after my household because I feel that I can contribute and be independent. I’ve noticed how many working parents neglect their kids and it is a known fact that a child’s most important years growing up is their first 7 years. If parents don’t spend enough time with them during this period, the time which should be spent building a foundation which includes education, awareness and responsibility as well, that child is doomed. Really, jokes aside. Things no longer function as they used to some 20 years ago. And they never will be. The way parents are bringing up their children have differ SO much that it’s scary to think how I am going to do when my time comes. To me, I feel like I’m on a see-saw. But I think decide when I reach the bridge.
Over all, from my personal and humble opinion….equality will never be. Yes, women will keep on fighting for equal rights and equality but sadly, this is not the way of the world. It never was. As unfair and unjust as it is, women will never be men’s equal because we are at our best when we work TOGETHER. That's the key word. Fighting against one another will never lead to anything but more problems. I do not know how many women out there would stand by me when I say that we don’t really need to fight for equality but what I would fight for is the acknowledgement that we can be independent if we want to and when we put our heart and soul in to it. And sometimes we are just as good as or better than men at what they do. We don’t need a plaque to certify it, just an acknowledgement. After all, at the end of the day, it would be superb to be served a cup of steaming hot teh tarik with my feet up while flipping the remote control. =P
Contributed by mistyeiz ::
1:13 PM ::
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Tiny Dancer
Aaahh.. haven't been posting in here for such a long, long, lonnnngggg time!! (I know, I know.. my bad)
Anyway, let's take a short break from the pain of love, sex, politics, weight gain, blah de blah blah.. and erm... check out this song.
Click
here or
here to download Tim McGraw - Tiny Dancer.mp3 (Link expires in 7 days)
This song was originally sung by Elton John way back in the 70's and it was featured in the movie
Almost Famous. Since then, tons of artists have done cover versions of the song, including Tim McGraw, Ben Folds Five, Foo Fighters, Red Hot Chili Peppers, and Tori Amos.
It's a very easy-listening song, which I adore.
Enjoy, peeps.
Contributed by Hedonistics Anonymous ::
10:02 AM ::
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