Monday, May 22, 2006
Don't go upstairs.....
The story took place during the 7th month of the Chinese lunar calendar and revolved around a young lad named Sam. Sam at that time was working as a general worker, in a small company
located at Tuas. During one particular working day, the whole of Sam's company was requested to work OT in order to meet a deadline due tomorrow. By the time everything was done, it was already past 12 am and Sam was the last person left in the office. He was left wondering whether there were still any bus services at this hour. He decided to try his luck and quickly tidied up the office, locked up and rushed towards the bus stop. The bus stop was situated by a small narrow road with dense forestation surrounding the area.
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Sam waited for about 20 minutes and was about to make his way to the main road to catch a cab when a double deck bus appeared from nowhere. He hesitantly waved it down, boarded the bus and! the only person he saw on the same bus was a frail ghastly looking old woman. The old woman was dressed in white samfoo and black pant, attire favoured by maids in those early days or "Ma Jie" as they were commonly known then. Sam felt uneasy upon seeing her and was about to go up to the upper deck when a voice ranged out in Cantonese, "Young man, don't go upstairs. Upstairs dangerous."
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It was the old woman. Her comment sent a chill through Sam's bones and he figured that the upper deck might be "dirty". He decided to heed the old woman's advice and grab a seat at the lower deck even though he felt uncomfortable by her presence. It was an agonizing 20 minutes journey before Sam reached his bus stop. He quickly alighted and turned to steal a quick glance at the old woman, who stared right back at him by the window. Without further ado, Sam hastened his pace and was fortunate to reach home safely.
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The next day, Sam was requested to work OT and ended up being the last person left in the office again. It was already past midnight and Sam was contemplating whether to take a cab home but decided against it in the end as money was tight. So he made his way to the bus stop again a! nd after about 20 minutes, the same double deck bus appeared. Sam boarded the bus and saw the same old woman again. He decided to go to the upper deck again when the old woman called out to him, "Young man, don't go upstairs. Upstairs dangerous." Even though, he heard it before, he still felt a certain fear inside him since it's the 7th month. To be on the safe side, he reluctantly took a seat at the lower deck again and reached home with no incidents.
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The third day, Sam was asked to do OT again. By now he was feeling dreaded and worried as he didn't want to repeat the same process again. But he obliged nevertheless since it's his livelihood. He was, you guessed it, the last person left in the office again. He made the same journey to the bus stop, occasionally checking his back as he walked.
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The double deck bus arrived, he boarded it and saw the same old woman again. As he proceeded to go upstairs, the old woman warned him again, "Young man, don't go upstairs. Upstairs dangerous." Sam was fed up with the old woman by now and decided to go upstairs even though he was feeling a bit scared. He saw no one else when he reached the upper deck and slowly made his way to the back of the bus and sat down. Sam's heart began pounding away as he waited anxiously for something to happen.
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After 30 minutes, with nothing happening, Sam went downstairs to confront the old woman and asked her why she kept saying it's dangerous upstairs. The old woman turned, stared at him and replied ..............
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"Young man, don't go upstairs. Upstairs dangerous. Upstairs got no bus driver."
Did I scare you? I hope so. Hehehe!! Tell us a REAL ghost-encounter if you have experienced any for I guess I am lucky that I have not and don't intend on having any either! ;)
Contributed by mistyeiz ::
2:56 PM ::
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How do you know?
Okay...I'm not sure if this question was ever asked before in the past but my friend had emailed me and I wanted to know your thoughs on it before I send her a reply. Her questions were -
"How do YOU know if you or your other half is no longer in love with you and vice versa?
Should YOU stay in the relationship for the wrong reason - security and not love?
Is love all to it in a relationship?"
Contributed by c o n s u e l a ::
9:25 AM ::
7 comments
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Friday, May 19, 2006
*Why'd the chicken cross the road?*
JERRY FALWELL
Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't you people see theplain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the "otherside." That's what "they" call it the "other side." Yes, my friends, thatchicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. Isay we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that theliberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like "the otherside." That chicken should not be free to cross the road. It's as plainand simple as that.
PAT BUCHANAN
To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American.
DR. SEUSS
Did the chicken cross the road?Did he cross it with a toad?Yes! The chicken crossed the road,but why it crossed, I've not been told!
ERNEST HEMINGWAY
To die. In the rain.
MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.
I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads withouthaving their motives called into question.
GRANDPA
In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone toldus that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.
ARISTOTLE
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
KARL MARX
It was a historical inevitability.
SADDAM HUSSEINThis was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified indropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
RONALD REAGANWhat chicken?
KEN STARR
I intend to prove that the chicken crossed the road at the behest of thepresident of the United States of America in an effort to distract lawenforcement officials and the American public from the criminal wrongdoingour highest elected official has been trying to cover up. As a result,the chicken is just another pawn in the president's ongoing and elaboratescheme to obstruct justice and undermine the rule of law. For thatreason, my staff intends to offer the chicken unconditional immunityprovided he cooperates fully with our investigation. Furthermore, thechicken will not be permitted to reach the other side of the road untilour investigation and any Congressional follow-up investigations have beencompleted. (We also are investigating whether Sid Blumenthal has leakedinformation to the Rev. Jerry Falwell, alleging the chicken to behomosexual in an effort to discredit any useful testimony the bird mayhave to offer, or at least to ruffle his feathers.)
CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK
To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
FOX MULDER
You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens haveto cross before you believe it?
FREUD
The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the roadreveals your underlying sexual insecurity.
BILL GATES
I have just released eChicken 98, which will not only cross roads, butwill lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance yourcheck book-and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.
EINSTEIN
Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath thechicken?
BILL CLINTON
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken?Could you define chicken please?
LOUIS FARRAKHAN
The road, you will see, represents the black man. The chicken crossed the"black man" in order to trample him and keep him down.
THE BIBLE
And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken,"Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.
COLONEL SANDERS
I missed one?
Which one is your favourite? I have too many to mention! Lol :P
Contributed by mistyeiz ::
1:28 PM ::
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Sunday, May 14, 2006
Close...but not quite.
So BSB's resident tigress, Cat, was on the prowl again Friday night. Still standing after eight shots of tequila and half a pitcher of margarita, she was able to snag a tall, dusky Dutch-Indian expat from one of the Metro's trendiest bars.
They started kissing in the cab, on the way to his swanky hotel room. Cat told herself, This is a sure thing, ha! I'm getting some real action tonight!
The setting couldn't have been better...for a one-night stand that is. And rolling all over the bed, hot and bothered and naked and kissing like there was no tomorrow, he stopped.
What's wrong? Cat asks.
I'm sorry, he says. I made a promise, it's really not fair. A very conservative Indian girl back home, he says.
Oh, Cat replies, thankful she had that much alcohol in her system to depress the reaction somewhat. Thinking of something to say, she asks, How old are you?
Twenty-one, he answers.
No way?! You don't look twenty-one! Cat exclaims.
I'm really sorry, it's not you...I'm really sorry. He apologizes some more.
Cat, being the nice, understanding, inebriated pussy she is, smiles sweetly, rolls over and takes a nap. Two hours later, she leaves.
He didn't look twenty-one, he didn't look twenty-one...she mutters to herself.
(BSB peeps, if you want any more lurid details, like how tiny his member was and how in less than a minute after I put it in my mouth that he, er, came, I'm not telling. And, no, this has never happened to THE Cat before. No man has denied Cat sex once they're alone.)
Contributed by categorically imperative ::
11:46 PM ::
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Thursday, May 11, 2006
OLD
Ladies & Gentlemen...
HAPPY HUMP DAY!!
Contributed by c o n s u e l a ::
7:38 AM ::
1 comments
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Tuesday, May 09, 2006
Stress Management
A lecturer, when explaining stress management to an audience, raised a glass of water and asked, "How heavy is this glass of water?"
Answers called out ranged from 20g to 500g.
The lecturer replied, "The absolute weight doesn't matter. It depends on how long you try to hold it. If I hold it for a minute, that's not a problem.”
“If I hold it for an hour, I'll have an ache in my right arm.”
“If I hold it for a day, you'll have to call an ambulance.”
"In each case, it's the same weight, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes."
He continued, “And that's the way it is with stress management. If we carry our burdens all the time, sooner or later, as the burden becomes increasingly heavy, we won't be able to carry on."
"As with the glass of water, you have to put it down for a while and rest before holding it again. When we're refreshed, we can carry on with the burden. "
"So, before you return home tonight, put the burden of work down. Don't carry it home. You can pick it up tomorrow. Whatever burdens you're carrying now, let them down for a moment if you can. "
"Relax; pick them up later after you've rested. Life is short. Enjoy it!
Contributed by ohmyluv ::
8:35 AM ::
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Monday, May 08, 2006
Watch out for these computer viruses!!
From a blogworthy email I thought I'd share with BSB-ers:
The George Bush Virus
- Causes your computer to keep looking for viruses of mass destruction.
The John Kerry Virus
- Stores data on both sides of the disk and causes little purple hearts to appear on screen.
The Clinton Virus
- Gives you a permanent Hard Drive ; with NO memory
The Al Gore Virus
- Causes your computer to keep counting and re-counting
The Bob Dole Virus
- Makes a new hard drive out of an old floppy
The Lewinsky Virus
- Sucks all the memory out of your computer, then e-mails everyone about what it did
The Arnold Schwarzenegger Virus
- Terminates some files, leaves, but will be back
The Mike Tyson Virus
- Quits after two bytes
The Oprah Winfrey Virus
- Your 200 GB hard drive shrinks to 100 GB, then slowly expands to re-stabilize around 350 GB
The Ellen Degeneres Virus
- Disks can no longer be inserted
The Prozac Virus
- Totally screws up your RAM,but your processor doesn't care
The Michael Jackson Virus
- Only attacks minor files
The Lorena Bobbitt Virus
- Reformats your hard drive into a 3.5 inch floppy ... then discards it through Windows
my faves: the Oprah, Lewinsky, and Dubya ones.
Contributed by *lynne* ::
11:01 AM ::
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Saturday, May 06, 2006
Six Classic Affairs
Six Classic Affairs
The 1st Affair:
A married man was having an affair with his secretary One day they went her place and made love all afternoon. Exhausted, they fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM. The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoes outside and rub them in the grass and dirt. He put on his shoes and drove home. "Where have you been?" his wife demanded. "I can't lie to you," he replied, "I'm having an affair with my secretary. We had sex all afternoon." "You lying bastard! You've been playing golf!"
The 2nd Affair:
A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked about having a son. They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted. The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy. The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son. He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen. He told his wife, "There's no way I can be the father of this baby. Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered! Have you been fooling around behind my back?" The wife smiled sweetly and replied, "Not this time!"
The 3rd Affair:
A mortician was working late one night. He examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, about to be cremated, and made a startling discovery. Schwartz had the largest private part he had ever seen! "I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz," the mortician commented, "I can't allow you to be cremated with such an impressive private part. It must be saved for posterity." So, he removed it, stuffed it into his briefcase, and took it home. "I have to show you something you won't believe," he said to his wife, opening his briefcase. "My God!" the wife exclaimed, "Schwartz is dead?"
The 4th Affair:
A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door. "Hurry," she said, "stand in the corner." She rubbed baby oil all over him, then dusted him with talcum powder. "Don't move until I tell you," she said. "Pretend you're a statue." "What's this?" the husband inquired as he entered the room. "Oh it's a statue." she replied. "The Smith's bought one and I liked it so much I got one for us, too." No more was said, not even when they went to bed. Around 2 AM the husband got up, went to the kitchen and returned with a sandwich and a beer. "Here," he said to the statue, "have this. I stood like that for two days at the Smith's and nobody offered me a damned thing"
The 5th Affair:
A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and ordered a beer. "Certainly, Sir, that'll be one cent." "One Cent?" the man thought. He glanced at the menu and asked, "How much for a nice juicy steak and a bottle of wine?" "A nickel," the barman replied. "A nickel?" exclaimed the man. "Where's the guy who owns this place?" The bartender replied, "Upstairs, with my wife." The man asked, "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?" The bartender replied, "The same thing I'm doing to his business down here."
The 6th Affair:
Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside. He looked up and said weakly, "I have something I must confess." "There's no need to," his wife replied. "No," he insisted, "I want to die in peace. I slept with your sister, your best friend, her best friend, and your mother!" "I know, I know," she replied. "Now just rest and let the poison work."
Contributed by c o n s u e l a ::
6:56 AM ::
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Friday, May 05, 2006
Men of the World
Extremely important advice and recommendations to be passed on to wives, girlfriends, fiancés, mothers, sisters, daughters, etc. (to all women in general) These rules are to be communicated prior to the World Cup in June/July this year...
FAILURE TO ADHERE TO THE RULES STIPULATED AS PER BELOW WILL RESULT IN SEVERE REPERCUSSIONS.
List Of Rules.
1. From 9 June to 9 July 2006, you should read the sports section of the newspaper so that you are aware of what is going on regarding the World Cup, and that way you will be able to join in the conversations. If you fail to do this, then you will be looked at in a bad way, or you will be totally ignored. DO NOT complain about not receiving any attention.
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2. During the World Cup, the television is mine, at all times, without any exceptions. If you even take a glimpse of the remote control, you will lose it (your eye).
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3. If you have to pass by in front of the TV during a game, I don't mind, as long as you do it crawling on the floor and without distracting me. If you decide to stand nude in front of the TV, make sure you put clothes on right after because if you catch a cold, I wont have time to take you to the doctor or look after you during the World Cup month.
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4. During the games I will be blind, deaf and mute, unless I require a refill of my drink or something to eat. You are out of your mind if you expect me to listen to you, open the door, answer the telephone, or pick up the baby that just fell from the second floor....it wont happen.
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5. It would be a good idea for you to keep at least 2 six packs in the fridge at all times, as well as plenty of things to nibble on, and please do not make any funny faces to my friends when they come over to watch the games. In return, you will be allowed to use the TV between 12am and 6am, unless they replay a good game that I missed during the day. This rulehowever is discretionary. (please refer to rule 2)
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6. Please, please, please!! if you see me upset because one of my teams is losing, DO NOT say "get over it, its only a game", or "don't worry, they'll win next time". If you say these things, you will only make me angrier and I will love you less. Remember, you will never ever know more about football than me and your so called "words of encouragement" will only lead to a break up or divorce (not necessarily in that order).
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7. You are welcome to sit with me to watch one game and you can talk to me during halftime but only when the commercials are on, and only if the halftime score is pleasing me. In addition, please note I am saying "one" game, hence do not use the World Cup as a nice cheesy excuse to "spend time together".
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8. The replays of the goals are very important. I don't care if I have seen them or I haven't seen them, I want to see them again. Many times.
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9. Tell your friends NOT to have any babies, or any other child related parties or gatherings that requires my attendance because:a) I will not go,b) I will not go, andc) I will not go.
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10. But, if a friend of mine invites us to his house on a Sunday to watch a game, we will be there in a flash.
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11. The daily World Cup highlights show on TV every night is just as important as the games themselves. Do not even think about saying "but you have already seen this...why don't you change the channel to something we can all watch??", the reply will be: "Refer to Rule #2 of this list".
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12. And finally, please save your expressions such as "Thank God the World Cup is only every 4 years". I am immune to these words, because after this comes the Champions League, Italian League, Spanish League, Premier League, etc etc.
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Thank you for your cooperation.
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Regards,Men of the World
[At times like these, I'm so tempted to box all men in the face!!]
Contributed by mistyeiz ::
4:15 PM ::
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Tuesday, May 02, 2006
Jekyll - Hyde
A question for the guys : is it true that guys like their girls to be saints on the outside but sluts in bed? This means that the girl is the sweet, decent, smart person whom your mom adores but behind closed doors, she’s this wild freak who’d dance for you (like Lalita here), use handcuffs and ride you like you’re Sea Biscuit. I’m just citing extremes here, but I guess you get the idea. So, should we girls develop this Jekyll-Hyde split personality?
Contributed by Hera ::
10:00 AM ::
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Monday, May 01, 2006
The Cat in Action!
Friday night, the merciless Cat was on the prowl. I'm gonna get some real meat tonight, she told herself.
She spotted a hot Ricky Martin lookalike salsa dancing with some old chick on the dance floor. Ooohhh...really, really hot ass there. Cat couldn't wait to get her paws on those absolutely bootylicious butt.
She asks the waitress what if he's a regular and what he drinks. Jim Beam and coke, she replied. Ok, Cat says, send him one on me.
Oh yeah, the Cat buying the drinks. The Cat setting the trap for her prey.
The drink reaches him...he sees Cat, smiles, and walks over to her. Hello, I'm Olivier, he says, in a very thick accent. Where are you from? Cat asks. South of France, he answers. Hoo-wah! French! (He smelled ok....)
They talk some more, and after a few minutes excuses himself.
Cat's cousin, who came to the bar with her, asks, What was that??? He bought you a drink???
Cat smiles as if she had just landed a giant canary. No, I bought him a drink.
Idiot! Cat's cousin exclaims. HE'S GAY!
Contributed by categorically imperative ::
12:29 AM ::
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The 1st Affair: